


Lighthouses and Anchors

by stealyourfood



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: AU, Angst, Catra works at a tea shop, Comfort, F/F, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I might completely change this when I'm awake, Kinda dark idk, Paralleling, Pining, is it unrequited, learing and unlearning, mermista makes an appearance!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24667144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stealyourfood/pseuds/stealyourfood
Summary: Her mind is an ocean, raging at times, almost drowning her, and she is thankful for the lighthouses around."Feelings are stupid"AU.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 89





	Lighthouses and Anchors

It’s moments of silence like this where Catra feels the most vulnerable. Sometimes she thinks too much, and lets her thoughts engulf her, like a heavy wave slamming into her person. She floats in her thoughts, until the swirling becomes a rough storm, almost suffocating her.

She feels like she’s no longer on land, but submerged. Her body feels lighter and slower at the same time, and everything seems so real, too real. Everyone seems so fake. They aren’t, she knows, but she can’t shake off this feeling. It’s been ingrained in her very soul. Every since she was born, raised by the person she thought was a mother, a twisted narrative of how the world works had been presented to her.

She gets away with being a naïve flat-earther, something that she still has trouble disbelieving. And if that is hard, it’s even more of a struggle trying to unlearn all the lies Shadow Weaver has taught her. Shadow Weaver is a broken, betrayed old woman, and Catra knows she has been manipulated for eighteen years of her life.

  
She was taught to survive, to find out what others could offer her, to step on them and use them. Merciless. She never forgot, but she wishes she did. She’s learning right now, and that’s what counts.

“Hey Catra!”

Catra blinks, snapping out of the storm in her mind. Few can rein her in with just a simple greeting. There are people around her, lighthouses, but only one is her anchor.

“Catra!” An arm slings around her shoulder, and Catra gives a slight smile, looking to her left.

“Hey Adora.” She’s now firmly rooted, back on land, no more confusion.

“I just finished my morning run. Heading to work?” Adora quickly removes her sweaty arm. “Whoops.”

Catra doesn’t mind. In fact, it makes her a lot happier. She will probably sniff her shirt later, when she enters the break room.

“Yeah. Opening shift.” Catra stifles a yawn, and Adora pats her head. Yet another act of kindness that Catra can’t shrink away from.

“I’ll be going to the gym first. Gotta keep in shape, you know.” Adora flashes a grin at Catra, and Catra does everything in her power to keep walking straight. Her knees do wobble a bit, though.

“Cool.” The rest of the walk is mainly in silence, Adora swiping away on her phone as Catra counts the number of steps it takes to reach her workplace. She stops at two hundred and seventy-eight.

“I’ll see you in class!” Adora claps Catra on the back, and jogs off in a different direction.

Catra appreciates the walk. She knows that the gym can be accessed via a different, shorter route. She wonders if Adora _pities_ her. She feels herself floating again, and she’s thrashing amongst the waves during her six-hour shift. She burns herself on the hipster tea maker, and is excused for a while.

She sees a light, amidst a turbulent sea, and a familiar voice rings out.

“Catra, your shift’s over! I’m here to take over!” Scorpia turns up, and that familiarity changes Catra’s nasty scowl to a smug smirk. Scorpia’s overbearing enthusiasm is like a beam of light, shining straight at her. It is annoyingly clear, and Catra is thankful for it.

“Hey. I’m going to head to class. Don’t break any teapots. Oh, and, that customer has been looking at the herbal section for _ages.”_

Scorpia nods, and now, reignited, Catra grabs her backpack, stowing away her apron as she sprints to class. It’s a close call, and she slides into her seat minutes before the class starts. The row she sits has its fixed arrangement – Glimmer, Bow, and Adora. The trio usually saves a seat for Catra, either beside Bow or Adora.

Today, there’s only two. Catra mourns the absence on her right, but with Bow and Glimmer on her left, she feels safe. Warm.

“So, how was work?” Bow asks, the lecturer still setting up their laptop.

“It was fine.” Catra mutters out, her wrist still stinging a little. She lifts it up from the table’s edge, careful not to apply any pressure.

“Really? I passed by the back and heard you curse.” Glimmer mutters, her eyes scanning through her printed notes. It’s pretty funny, because Catra knows that Glimmer will end up focusing on the lecturer and scrawl all over the pages. And Glimmer will approach her after looking through her illegible handwriting.

She’s not that used to it – feeling helpful. She’s always, _always_ using people. _Always been_ , she corrects herself. It’s something she’s working on. She can already hear Perfuma’s voice, light and calming, “ _let’s focus on more positive words_ ”. It works, and the rocking waves stop.

“Hey!” A little too loud, catching the ire of the lecturer, Adora slips into her seat, bumping against Catra as she grins again.

Catra can feel her feet now. There’s a slight tingle at the base of her ankle, a warning sign that an insufferable numbness will set in if she does nothing about it. She wriggles her toes, and Adora hands her something – it’s in a reusable cup, one of Adora’s many.

“Hey, I got you some coffee, thought you might need it.”

“Adora, I work at a tea place.” Catra bites back a laugh, but extends her hand to reach for the cup. It’s icy cold, and she reminds herself to keep it away from her wrist. Her fingertips touch Adora’s, and she pulls back, nearly emptying the contents on herself.

“But you’re always drinking something.” Adora whispers, pulling out her tablet. She has changed out of her morning outfit, and Catra remembers she forgot to smell her shirt.

“I am, aren’t I?” Catra takes a sip.

_Yearrrrgh_.

“Thanks.” She says despite the bitterness in her mouth.

She hates coffee.

But because of Adora, her glaringly golden tumbler, and the lingering sensation on her fingertips, Catra doesn’t hate coffee that much.

* * *

By the end of the class, Catra is left with the diluted remnants of an iced latte, her wrist begging for a soothing balm, and her head hurting as she tried to absorb the material. She’s also very hungry, her break wasted on a long walk to clear her thoughts.

It’s five pm when her stomach starts to growl. She curses the sound, hoping no one from her row hears it. They’re all too busy, packing their notes, formulating questions in their heads as they bound down the stairs to ask the lecturer questions.

“Do you have night class?” Adora asks, casually retrieving the tumbler.

“Yeah.” Catra manages to say, her tail swishing around from the effect of all that caffeine.

“Cool. Wanna grab dinner?”

Catra does a double take, before nodding. “Sure. I’m famished.”

“Hey, Bow! Glimmer! Dinner?”

Catra watches in horror as Adora dashes her fantasies. And in relief, when Bow and Glimmer shake their heads in unison.

“Nah, I’m going to the gym after this.”

“I’m going to visit Frosta.”

With their excuses, the two head up first, waving to Catra and Adora.

“So, what do you want to eat?” Adora pats her tummy, while staring at the wall.

Catra thinks she’s nothing short of gorgeous, and admires Adora from the corner of her eye as she stuffs her notes in her binder.

“I’m cool with anything.” She tries not to let her voice rise into an excited squeal.

“After such a long day, you know what will be good?” Adora answers her own question, “Sweets.”

“Dessert comes after a meal, you dork.” Catra laughs as she tosses her bag over her shoulder.

She follows Adora, who stops at a washing point to rinse the tumbler. When she walks beside Adora, everything seems so much clearer. The sun lowering in the distance, the shouting of sports teams in the field, even the clank of a canned drink falling from its slot in the vending machine.

“How was work?” Adora asks, and Catra feels the slightly unpleasant buzz on her wrist.

“It was fine.” She repeats, and Adora frowns.

“Catra, you seemed out of it during class.” Adora stops, turning to Catra. “You kept shaking your wrist.”

Catra ignores the stinging sensation. “Oh, must have worked the steampunk machine too much. Or maybe I’ve been writing too much.”

Adora raises an eyebrow, but lets the issue slip. “You should take care of yourself more. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and all that, you know.”

Catra shuffles behind Adora, who always, always waits for her to fall into strides by her side.

It’s another awkwardly silent walk for the most of it, Adora on her phone, swiping and humming, and this time it takes three hundred and eighty-four steps.

* * *

They end up eating a breakfast platter, something Catra enjoys. She drizzles, no, floods her pancakes with maple syrup before tearing into them with gusto. Adora looks on with a mix of horror and admiration.

“How do you maintain your figure?” Adora blurts out, and Catra nearly spills maple syrup on her pants.

“I exercise a bit.” She admits, in a tone so soft Adora strains her ears to catch it.

“Cool! You wanna…” Adora is interrupted by a crying kid, and she turns around.

Catra would have rolled her eyes and covered her ears. But Adora? Adora’s good with everyone. Adora makes a show of hiding behind her seat, effectively capturing the toddler’s attention. He stops wailing, and looks at her, obviously enchanted by Adora’s antics.

“Same.” Catra mumbles under her breath as she stuffs more pancake in her mouth. Adora is good. Maybe too good for her.

Adora placates the child, whirling back to find that Catra has demolished half the plate of pancakes. Meanwhile, her own stack remains almost untouched.

“You weren’t kidding about being famished.” Adora laughs and digs into her own plate.

Catra wishes she would continue from where she left off, but Adora is more focused on eating.

It’s an anchor, alright, but she feels trapped, instead of grounded.

* * *

They walk back in silence again, and Catra regrets not saying more. It’s a rare opportunity that Adora and her walk back together. Usually Bow and Glimmer joins them, or it’s just Catra, by herself.

She is determined to get a word in, but she needs to be cool.

She inhales and exhales every four steps. Something about keeping calm.

_Be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool_ is her mantra, as she forgoes counting the steps.

“Oh hey, I’ll catch a bus from here.” Adora stops, the squeak of her sneakers breaking Catra’s _stupid_ mantra.

“Oh. Kay. See you tomorrow.” Catra waves half-heartedly, and takes step number one.

It’s at step seventeen, out of range, when she finally voices her feelings.

“Fuck.”

* * *

It’s a couple of months since the Best Friends Squad adopted Catra. Bow had changed their name, both in real life and in chats to the “Best Friends Quad”. Glimmer had changed it back, citing ‘Quad’ as a lame addition.

Catra convinced herself that it was just Bow being nice, and she didn’t deserve it. She had spat that out at them once, and it was the only time she saw Bow get angry. Really angry. It took the combined efforts of Perfuma, Glimmer, Scorpia, Adora, and even Entrapta to change her mind.

It’s still something she’s learning. That she deserves nice things. Friends. Hope. Kindness. Love.

Love?

She scoffs at that thought. She hasn’t told anyone, but she thinks Bow knows. He’s been the astute one, always looking out for his friends, always telling them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

He is, in a way, her brightest lighthouse.

But if he is the brightest lighthouse… then what does that say about Adora?

Is Adora her anchor? Yes, and probably more than that. Adora, right now, is bright, like a sun, like a star. And Catra is a planet, pulled in to revolve around her endlessly.

She hopes Adora doesn’t think of her as a pesky mosquito circling her.

“Hey Catra.” Bow jogs up to her, and Catra’s tail flicks around uneasily. “What’s up?”

It’s not rare for Catra to message Bow privately, but it’s rare for her to request a meeting.

“I’ve been doing some thinking.”

Bow takes a seat beside her on the bench, patient as ever, giving his undivided attention to her.

“I’m not sure I can continue to be friends with Adora.”

There is no shock, no angry outburst, and Bow calmly asks, “okay, why though?”

Catra grips the bench, claws digging into the wood. She inhales and exhales, and doesn’t know how much time has passed. It feels like an hour, it feels like a moment, it feels horrible, queasy, like everything is turning round. It’s a storm, once again, and she feels trapped. Her lungs fill with anxiety, fear, and she feels sick.

“Hey.” Bow pats her shoulder very gently. “Take your time. You’re not alone, Catra. I’m here for you.”

Catra almost stutters out a weak ‘ _Promise_?” but she is no longer a child. She casts aside such petulant wishes, and composes herself.

“I can’t be friends with Adora because I have…” She searches for the words, frowning hard. There’s that lighthouse, guiding her, and the dark clouds start to part. “A conflict of interest.”

Bow knows, oh of course he does. But he’s patient, and he doesn’t speak for others if they need their voices to be heard. He nods slowly, signalling for Catra to continue.

She grew up thinking she knew what she wanted, that she was, and has always been in control. But that’s not how things work all the time. She learns and changed, and understands that she had been wrong, for a long period of time.

“I like her, Bow.” Catra looks down in shame, raising her legs and hugging her knees. It’s all too new for her, and she wants Bow to disapprove, to tell her it cannot happen, so she can move on with her miserable life.

She also wants Bow to tell her that Adora likes her back.

Bow does neither. Instead, he opens his arms, an invitation that Catra reluctantly takes.

“It’s okay.” He coos, and Catra sniffs.

“Feelings are stupid.”

Bow lets her cry. It’s all he can do right now.

* * *

The tea shop seems unnaturally bright. It might be because in front of her, at the bar table, are three familiar people. Bow, Glimmer, and Adora, in that order, sit facing Catra, separated by a transparent divider.

Scorpia has already cheerfully introduced herself to them, but leaves their orders to be fulfilled by Catra.

Catra won’t deny it. Showing off her proficiency gives her pride. She works the steampunk machine, pouring in the tea leaves and locking the mechanism in place swiftly. It gives her great pleasure to see Bow’s eyes widen in excitement as the machine does its job, sending jets of boiling water up to the chamber where the leaves are. Glimmer and Adora are equally mesmerised by the swirling water and the dancing tea leaves.

Catra flashes them a grin as she flicks a metal knob and pulls a handle, flushing the tea down into a filter and a double walled glass cup.

“This one is Bow’s.” She hands the cup over, and he grabs it with two hands.

“That was so cool! Do it again?” He clasps his hands, and Catra chuckles.

“All your other orders are cold brewed teas. They’re dispensed from a tap.” She grabs two tall glasses, pops a couple of ice cubes in, and approaches the taps.

“Feels like I’m going to be served beer.” Glimmer points out, and Catra smirks, filling up the two glasses.

“You’re such a lightweight you just may get drunk from this, Sparkles.” Catra places their drinks on the table, and Adora takes a sip immediately.

“Heh. Nice.”

Catra almost blushes, and makes the mistake of pressing her wrist against the still-hot metal frame of the steampunk machine. She yelps, and hisses at the searing pain.

“Not again!” She growls.

Bow prepares to stand up, but Adora is faster, knocking over her chair in the process.

“Catra!” She calls out, and Catra glances up to meet Adora’s worried gaze. It’s that same look again, and now she can’t escape. She can’t say everything’s fine. All she has done is make people realise how completely worthless she is.

“Fuck!” Catra cries out, tears prickling her eyes. If she even blinks, it would be an unstoppable gush.

“There’s a washing point nearby. I’ll take her.” Adora wants to leap over the divider, or smash through it, but Bow pulls her back.

“Yeah, go on ahead. Hey Scorpia, Adora’s gonna take Catra for a while.”

Bow’s eyes latch onto Catra, and she mouths “ _What? No!”_

“Catra, you gotta do this.” Bow says, hoping Catra can understand.

* * *

Catra does. In the conversations following her park breakdown, she had gained more clarity about how she felt about Adora. Bow was a great wingman, agreeing to support her, but ultimately letting Catra take whichever actions she deemed appropriate.

Her conclusion is that they could be friends, at least until Catra’s feelings fade, or when she feels ready to tell Adora.  
  


So she has been trying to play the role of the good friend, or best friend, right up until this moment.

Best friends care for each other. They take care of each other. And that’s what Adora is doing, holding her hand carefully, running it under the cool tap water. It’s a blissful sensation, in more ways than one.

“So, how long are we gonna be stuck here for?” Catra rasps, and Adora focuses on the reddened patch, not making eye contact.

“20 minutes.” Her reply is short and curt, and Catra’s hand trembles.

“I’m sorry.” She blurts out, and Adora’s hard expression softens.

“Why are you apologising for?”

“For dragging you into this.” Catra says without much thought, and realises her mistake.

“I’m not angry at that.” Adora glares at Catra. “I’m angry that you lied to me.” She keeps her hold tender despite being absolutely furious.

“Huh?”

“You said ‘again’. This isn’t the first time, is it?” Adora asks, and Catra’s hands shake again. “I was really worried. I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me.” Adora clarified.

“I’m sorry.” Catra stammers out.

“We’ll talk about this when you’re ready.” Adora replies. She can feel the quivering in her palms as well. “but for now, I’ve got you. So don’t worry.”

It’s eighteen more minutes for them to contemplate what to say.

* * *

“I think I fucked up.” Catra confesses to her ceiling, late at night.

“But I don’t know what to do. Is it wanting attention? Is that bad? Am I bad?” Catra thinks of Shadow Weaver again. She knew what to say to get others to fall for her tricks, to pity her, to aid her. What makes her any different from that horrid old hag?

“I just don’t want to cause trouble. But that made Adora angry. I don’t want her to be angry.” She states, imagining Perfuma in her ceiling.

“If I were her, I would be angry to. For being lied to, I guess.” She tries to imagine what Perfuma would say.

“I have apologised. But I don’t know if that changes anything.”

_“It’s always an ongoing effort._ ”

“Do I talk to her? How do I show it? Do I get her something? Shadow Weaver always got us gifts. But that’s not an apology is it? It’s not making amends.”

Frustrated, and feeling the lull of the ocean before it crashed unto her, Catra turns over, pulling the blanket over herself.

* * *

It’s a dark, sinking feeling gathering at the pit of her stomach. It spreads, filling her limbs, loading them with lead. She wakes up, groggy and with a sore wrist. Serves her right.

“It was an accident.” She corrects herself out loud.

Her phone buzzes, way before her alarm.

[Adora: I’m getting coffee. Do you want?”]

[Bow: Hey Catra, you alright?]

She replies Bow’s message quickly, before pausing at Adora’s.

[Yeah, sure, thank you.]

* * *

The row is quiet, it can be the apprehension of knowing that mid-terms are approaching, or because of the silent tension that Catra and Adora carried back from the washing point.

Catra is the last to arrive, noticing a familiar gold tumbler on her table. Adora is beside her, sipping from a similar one.

“Hey.” Glimmer waves over first, prompting Bow to do the same.

Catra waves back, and her heart crumbles a little when Adora refuses to turn her head.

“Hey, Adora.” She tries her best, and Adora nods.

“Hey Catra.” It’s definitely less cold, but there’s still a rift between them.

“Thanks for…” _staying? Not leaving?_ “the coffee.” Catra finished lamely, and Adora turns to look at her. Both their eyes are a little sore, and they feel guilty about the other.

“I’m sorry.” Catra tries again, but the lecturer starts speaking, and their conversation grinds to a disappointing halt.

It feels like a sea of murky blackness, and this time, there’s no boat. There are light houses in the distance, but Catra can’t find her boat. She can’t find an anchor. She can’t see the sun or the stars, only the dull, foggy spots of two far-off lighthouses on her left. She’s struggling, and the waves are rolling in even more fiercely.

_It’s over_

She gets pulled down, and gasps for air as she surfaces.

_I’m not giving up_

A finger pokes her arm, and the waters still. It’s not a wide ocean, but a small puddle now.

“Catra. Fifteen minute break.” Adora’s fingers are resting on Catra’s forearm, near her wrist.

Catra is unable to pull her arm away. So she sits there, frozen.

“Look, I’m sorry. I got angry yesterday.” Adora thankfully resumes conversation.

“I just didn’t want to worry you.” Catra’s voice, to her horror, cracks.

“I’m your friend, I’ll worry about you.” Adora half-smiles, and Catra feels a rush of bittersweet relief. Adora’s fingers hesitate above her wrist, and return to her tumbler. Catra has never been more jealous of an inanimate object. “Your wrist, is it okay?”

“Yeah, it is.” Catra flexes her wrist, and winces. “Mostly.”

She shares one more look with Adora, before Bow and Glimmer hop back into their seats.

[We made up. I think.]

Bow’s phone vibrates, and he smiles at the message, taking a brief look at Catra sipping from one of the two tumblers Adora has.

* * *

It’s surprising. After the tea shop incident, her relationship with Adora grows.

Bow jokingly tells Catra that camaraderie thrives on battle, and Catra thinks about beacons amidst choppy waters. She agrees, and so, in one of her regular chat sessions with Perfuma, she brings up the possibility of reconciling with her… siblings? They are not blood related, but were all under Shadow Weaver’s wing.

“I don’t know, it kinda is stupid.” Catra scratches her head. She’s working on her language still. “I mean, I think by talking about it, it will make me feel less… alone? Like it won’t completely be my fault. That Shadow Weaver was wrong, and that they think so too.”

“Sounds like you have settled on a course of action.” Perfuma says nothing more, and that’s the validation Catra needs.

She has already stalked Kyle, who does nothing to hide his presence online. And it’s through social media that she finds Rogelio and Lonnie. It’s fairly simple to search for them, but initiatin? That’s the hard part. But Catra needs to do it. Just a simple message to the three of them.

She sends a simple greeting, and crosses the chasm.

* * *

It’s not easy, it never is easy. It’s always a work in progress, but it’s getting better. Catra starts to joke with the rest, and even ends up teasing individual members. Catra starts walking home more often with others, spending the waiting time doing her assignments. Her tail curls more, she realises, towards people she likes. It’s an embarrassing realisation when Glimmer, of all people, turns to her with an eyebrow raised.

“Catra, if this is your way of distracting me, it really is working.”

Catra realises, and her tail slides back slowly. “So it is working.” She smirks, and Glimmer rolls her eyes.

“Insufferable.”

Catra laughs, and this time, flicks her tail at Glimmer on purpose.

“You watch out, I’m going to make your work life so unbearable.” Glimmer mutters, pushing away the tail.

“Sure, Sparkles.”

It’s getting better.

* * *

Scorpia is the one who suggests it. More regular sessions with Perfuma. Perfuma declined at first, stating her lack of professionalism. But Scorpia knows better, knows that her girlfriend will be, and can be a great therapist. Even if this isn’t therapy, per se, it is a time where Catra can share her feelings and have her voice be heard. It feels more like a heart-to-heart talk, although Catra now calls is ‘therapy talks’.

They speak about a variety of issues. Or rather, Catra speaks. Perfuma listens, and nods along. It’s more about self-revelation at this point of time. Catra has always been working through her issues, but alone. Knowing that she’s not alone helps so much. Catra also sneaks tea from her workplace to Perfuma.

“You seem happier.” Perfuma comments, at the end of one of their weekly meetings.

“I am. I’m slowly coming to terms with everything. I met some of my friends who were taught by that bit- by Shadow Weaver.” She exhales. “We shared a lot of memories, and it’s a sort of validation. That everyone felt the same way. That well,” Catra smiles, “I’m not the only one. I also stopped counting my steps. It feels kind of… liberating.” Her smile turns gentler, from one of triumph to a subtler pride.

“I’m so proud of you, Catra. And you should be too!”

“I… I am. I am proud.”

Catra really does feel that way.

* * *

Adora may be oblivious, but as dense as she is, she notices that something is different. Catra seems happier, especially over this past three months. Bow tells her that Catra has been talking to Perfuma quite a bit, and Adora is very, _very_ concerned.

Glimmer teases her, saying that her frown will give her a permanent wrinkle if she keeps it up. The best friends squad is separated this semester, with Bow and Adora spending more time together in their shared classes. Glimmer and Catra are forging a very peculiar friendship, and Adora might be a teeny bit jealous.

“I’d be so much more worried if Perfuma wasn’t dating Scorpia.” Adora pants, and her jogging partner rolls her eyes.

“And why are you telling me this?” Mermista breathes out, matching Adora’s cadence.

“Because I’m fucking gay for Catra?!” Adora scowls, and kicks up her pace.

“Then go after her, damnit! Urgh, you all are so annoying.” Mermista, not willing to be outdone, speeds up as well.

“That’s real cute coming from you. How’s Sea Hawk, by the way?”

“Oh shut up.” Mermista sprints for the last stretch, but Adora beats her to the end. As always.

“How do you even get together?” Adora asks, taking a long drink of water.

“Er, ask Bow and Glimmer? I’m pretty sure they’re together.” Mermista shrugs. “It’s so obvious.”

Okay, maybe Adora is a lot more oblivious than she is.

She confronts Bow during a ten minute break, much to his chagrin.

“Are you and Glimmer dating?” Adora whispers, and Bow raises an eyebrow.

“Adora, did you just notice?”

“Good question. Yes.” Adora frowned. “Am I oblivious?”

Bow thinks about Catra. He thinks about every single couple that has crossed Adora’s path.

“Kind of.”

“Man, am I the only single one here?” Adora plants her face onto the table, and pushes off with a horrid thought. “Catra’s single, right? Like, I can’t be _that_ oblivious. Tell me I’m right, Bow.”

Bow kneads his temples, wondering what to say. “You should ask Catra.”

“What?! But-I” Adora choked, and flailed her arms wildly. “I _can’t_!”

“You just asked me.”

“But you! Bow! Not Catra! You’re not Catra! It’s different!”

“Ah.” Bow finally understands. Adora loves everyone. This makes it hard to tell if she has a romantic interest. She fawns over buff people, but never for long. Her reaction during the tea shop incident had raised suspicions, but this, this was evident.

“Adora, you gotta calm down.” Bow puts his hands on Adora’s shoulders, stopping her panicky movements.

“Right.” Adora turns back to face the front, but her fingers continue to drum along the table, distracting Bow.

“Adora.” He speaks, and Adora flinches.

  
“Okay fine maybe, maybe I have a thing for her?” Her pitch goes up towards the end, and she puts her hands up. Bow raises both eyebrows, and Adora groans. “Fine I have a thing for her.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Bow offers.

“Yes! Oh my god. She’s. So. Cute!” Adora rests her forehead on one palm. “How can she be so cute! I want to know her better, to support her. And she’s just- when she smiles- I… I wanna see her smile like that, everyday. Is that gay? Am I gay?” She is blabbering, and thankfully stops.

Bow smacks his forehead. “Adora, you told me you were gay four years ago, but yes, that is gay. You’re gay for Catra.”

“Oh. I’m gay for Catra.” Adora repeats, as though the words are a magic spell, removing whatever illusions had surrounded her for the past year. The skies are clear. The words all make sense now.

“Oh my god.”

* * *

It’s a slip of the tongue, a complete mistake.

“Gosh, I’m filthy.” Adora blows a stray strand out of her face as she ties her hair up. The best friends squad decided to spend Friday afternoon working out together, and as expected, Adora goes way overboard.

“Same.” Catra replies out of habit. Her own hair is plastered to her back, and she brushes it aside. Bow helps Glimmer stretch out all her kinks.

“Gosh, I look like such a mess now.” Adora says, shrugging off her tank top. She’s wearing a sports bra underneath, and Catra shamelessly stares at well-defined abs straining as Adora reaches up.

“Beautiful.” Catra breathes out, her tail swishing about slowly. She blinks slowly, and Adora looks at her, puzzled.

“Huh?”

“Behind you!” Catra points, and Adora turns around, missing Catra’s blush.

“Huh-Oh!” Adora receives a poke in her ribs, and squirms away, laughing as she tries to defend herself.

“Gotcha!” Catra laughs, and Adora forgets to protect herself. Catra continues tickling Adora, and they’re both on the floor, laughing as Adora puts in minimal effort to shove Catra away.

“Gross, get a room.” Glimmer walks up to them, Bow covering his mouth behind her.

“Wanna join us, Sparkles?” Catra offers, and Glimmer scrunches up her nose. It’s a short moment, Catra basking in her smugness, and Adora flips them over, ready for payback.

“Hey!” Catra, being more nimble, slips out of the hold, standing up and brushing herself. “That’s cheating.” She mumbles, and stretches out a hand to help Adora.

“Aww, you’re being nice.” Adora teases, and Catra scowls.

“I’m not!”

Bow raises his eyebrows as he watches their interaction. They are two oblivious fools, circling around and around. Like two ends of the compass, like two beams from a light house. But it isn’t his place to shove them together. So, he continues to watch, wondering when they’ll notice each other noticing each other.

* * *

Catra definitely notices Adora more. She does, begrudgingly relay to Glimmer that she might have a crush on someone. Glimmer never shuts up about it, turning the tables and making fun of her at every opportunity.

Catra doesn’t work just for her one-sided, unrequited love. She works for the sake of creating meaningful friendships. She initiates meetups, pays attention to what they like and don’t. This is very useful because Glimmer likes ice cream cake, and one of Catra’s ways of showing her affection is leaving gifts for people randomly. Bow has received an arrow tip once, and he turned it into a charm. It hangs from his bag even now. She does the same for Perfuma, Scorpia, and even her co-workers.

Adora?

Adora is different. Catra actively engages her in conversation, and they go for pancakes every now and then. Catra suspects Adora knows her secret – despite Catra’s demeanour, she actually loves sweet foods. However, Catra still receives iced coffee every now and then. Maybe she’ll grow to like it. Maybe she’ll just get Adora to drink more tea instead. Come to think of it, she doesn’t know what Adora has been drinking all this while. It’s during a merged class that the best friends squad reunites for lectures.

“You know, I’ve been wondering what you drink during class. A protein shake?” Catra grins, and Adora laughs.

“Try?” She offers, her hand tilting the tumbler towards Catra.

Without thinking, Catra leans forward, taking a long sip. Glimmer looks scandalized, but Adora just shrugs. Catra swirls the beverage around her mouth, trying to figure out what it is. Goddamnit, Adora has been drinking a chocolate malt drink instead of bitter coffee.

“I like sweet drinks.” Adora sheepishly says.

_So do I_ , _dork._ Catra thinks, but keeps that thought, as well as other surfacing, dirtier thoughts to herself.

Catra smirks at the newfound knowledge. Then realises that she used the same reusable straw Adora uses. Her tail doesn’t stop curling up for the next fifteen minutes.

* * *

Today, she wants to be the one to surprise Adora. She steals the two golden tumblers from Adora’s bag, before sneaking off to her own workplace.

“Scorpia, give me two royal tea lattes. Iced.” She passes one cup over. “Please. And extra sugar syrup for er-” She doesn’t think she can’t differentiate the tumblers. So she grabs a marker, apologises silently to Adora, before scribbling on the other one. “This one.”

“Sure. Cute drawing, Wildcat.”

Catra bounds with bright excitement over to the lecture hall. Adora looks betrayed, but then accepts the tumbler with a warm smile. Catra smiles, surely, she thinks, a stupid smile, when she notices Adora turning over the tumbler. A scrawled Adora, hastily drawn, with “hey Adora!” by its side, now stands out from the golden coating. Adora smiles, and Catra slurps from her apparently now default tumbler.

She knows she didn’t ask for extra syrup, but it tastes sweeter than usual.

* * *

Catra no longer thinks about Shadow Weaver’s influence that much. She’s herself, she has worth, and is worthy. She can live, she can have friends, she can have hope, and she can love. She can also agree to getting her hair cut by Scorpia. Which she already has.

“It’s awfully breezy.” Catra touches her nape, marvelling at the emptiness. Where there once was thick, unruly hair, it is now bare. The wind tickles her, but she likes it. She cut it because she felt free, no longer trapped under the ocean. The waves no longer consume her.

“I take that as a compliment.” Scorpia laughs. Her tone drops to a more sombre, serious one. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah.” Catra smiles, “I’m ready.”

She marches off, her head high, her short hair ruffling in the wind. There are no choppy waters, but the lighthouses are still there, shining brightly. There are more. There’s an anchor, there’s a sun, and there are stars. And there are so much more. _She_ is so much more.

“Hey Catra!”

Yeap, she is ready. She is.

“Hey Adora.” Catra smiles, and laughs at Adora’s bulging eyes.

“You cut your hair?!” Adora screams, and grasps at her own hair.

“Aww, you look so cute.” Bow squeals. “Catra’s so cute!”

“Definitely agree.” Glimmer adds on, “A cute smol baby.”

“Oh come on, Sparkles, you’re shorter than me.”

“That’s right. Glimmer is the smallest baby.” Bow kisses her forehead, and Glimmer swats it away playfully.

“Well, Adora, what do you think?” Catra grins.

“I… I uh I think it’s real neat.” Adora can’t help gawking. It’s short, fluffy, and she wants to run her fingers in it, to scratch Catra. She knows Catra likes it.

“Smooth.” Glimmer coughs into her fist, and Adora ignores her.

Adora is very distracted throughout the entire workout session. As she helps Catra with a set of pushups, she realises that Catra’s tail is sneaking around her ankle, wrapping around Adora’s wrist. Adora doesn’t say anything, and pretends not to notice.

“You’re doing so good! Come one, just one more!” She pushes Catra, and the tail snakes tighter around her. Catra lies down, knees still bent. Her tail shrinks back a bit, but there is a slight contact with Adora’s finger. The end of her tail flicks, and brushes against Adora’s fingertips.

Adora gasps, a soft sound that nearly breaks Catra. It does break her out of her stupor, and she sits back up, legs crossing.

“Aww, you like me!” Adora tries to lighten the tense mood, but Catra doesn’t respond with her usual ‘I don’t like you!’. It’s enough for Adora to freeze.

Adora stands up, and Catra looks up at her pleadingly. Bow and Glimmer notice the atmosphere change, and start making their way over slowly. Catra grips her arms, pulling herself close, before releasing her tight grip.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Adora asks, and she feels the tremor in her voice.

“Promise me you won’t run off?” Catra asks, a hopeful look in her eyes. She stands up as well.

“I promise.”

“Adora. You’re right. I like you.”

Adora’s heart leaps, and she feels her chest lighten, almost burning with a fervour. She reaches for Catra, then wonders if that is appropriate yet. She withdraws her hand, and Catra’s shoulders slacken.

“You don’t have to answer, I don’t want things to change.” Catra babbles out, hurt, eyes smarting, but she holds her ground. “I just wanted you to know.”

Bow and Glimmer stop, and they make themselves scarce by hiding elsewhere.

Adora watches Catra, the latter’s smile screaming heartbreak. She watches dumbly as Catra throws her head to the side, shaking it lightly.

“I guess that’s it.” Catra rubs her eyes, which are suspiciously damp. Well, maybe they can still be friends. Rejection doesn’t spell the end of anything. “I’m sorry for dumping this on you.”

“I like you too.” Adora finally finds her tongue. Heterochromatic eyes meet hers, widening in surprise. “I really do.”

Catra doubts it, although she wants it to be true. Maybe Adora is being nice, like she always does. She would rather Adora let her down quickly, rather than this excruciatingly slow gentleness. It’s too much to bear. She goes for the final blow.

“Show me.” She whispers.

Adora lunges forward, gently cradling Catra’s head, fingers entangling themselves in shorter, scruffier hair. Their lips meet, almost bruising with Adora’s clumsiness. Catra finds her eyelids closing, and she leans into the kiss, grabbing Adora’s waist as she tries, needily, to convey how much she wants, longs for Adora. She feels Adora breaking apart, taking a short gasp, and continuing the kiss.

“Good for them.” Bow whispers, and his voice is immortalised in Glimmer’s video of Catra and Adora’s first kiss.

* * *

Catra no longer fears the ocean, nor the sea. It’s calm, soothing, gentle, and it’s bright. It’s her first trip in a long while, and of course, it’s with the best friends squad, Scorpia, and Perfuma. A triple date, suggested by… herself.

Everyone was surprised, but on board with the idea. Catra looks at the four individuals playing in the water. She wonders if they too, see her as a lighthouse. Not yet, maybe, but in time to come. She wants to be there for them too.

Her sun, her stars, her anchor, her rock, her corner in the noisy party, her wings – Adora joins her, slipping her fingers between Catra’s.

Catra grins as Adora runs forward, pulling her to join the rest.

Their tumblers sit in the sand, well under the shade. One has a drawing of Adora, ‘Hey Adora!’ scrawled beside it, and the other has a rougher doodle of Catra on it.

Catra stretches out in the sea, her fingers still intertwined with Adora’s as they lie on an inflatable mat. She’s floating, feet off the ground, but it’s a giddy, dizzy, hopeful excitement. She thinks- no, she sees her girlfriend beside her, lovingly gazing at her. There are no words, and it’s these moments of silence that gives her so much comfort.

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been influenced by people who have crossed my life. 
> 
> In a sense, this is also dedicated to my lighthouses.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Stealyourfood)


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